Bayesian Fun

Some of the jokes show ignorance of their makers and some are simply mean, but it is fun to see how the world jokes about Bayesians, and how Bayesians joke about themselves.

  • A Bayesian is one who, vaguely expecting a horse, and catching a glimpse of a donkey, strongly believes he has seen a mule.
  • A Bayesian and a Frequentist were to be executed. The judge asked them what were their last wishes. The Bayesian replied that he would like to give the Frequentist one more lecture. The judge granted the Bayesian's wish and then turned to the Frequentist for his last wish. The Frequentist quickly responded that he wished to hear the lecture again and again and again and again........ (Xiao-Li Meng)
  • Prior to the birth of Thomas Bayes, the proud parents, Mr Joshua Bayes and Mrs. Ann Carpenter Bayes, had 11 daughters (Anne, Rebecca, Mary, etc). While Mrs. Bayes was pregnant with Thomas, she REALLY, REALLY wanted a son. So they went to the local seer, who placed her hands on Mrs. Bayes' stomach and pronounced that without a doubt, the next baby would be a boy. Well, Mrs. Bayes really, really believed that this next baby would be a boy. So when the baby actually arrived, the actual physical evidence that the baby was a girl was not strong enough to overcome her prior (ahem) belief that the baby would be a boy, and so Joshua and Anne named their new baby daughter Thomas and raised her to be the son they had always wanted.
  • Bayesian: Breeding a statistician with a clergyman to produce the much sought honest statistician.

    The Movie: ``Return of Thomas Bayes''
  • Not so nice from Kendall: [Referring to Bayesians]: If they would only do as he did and publish posthumously we should all be saved a lot of trouble. Maurice G. Kendall, J.R.S.S.A. 131:185

  • Irreverent by Titterington.

  • Bayes Caffee and Ochkam at Simon Godsill's page!

  • Only a Bayesian Statistician is able to coherently explain the statement: If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

  • Do not become an artist; be a Bayesian, much more scope for the imagination!

  • A Bayesian: one who asks you what you think before the clinical trial in order to tell you what you think afterwards. S. Senn

  • Found this conversation on the Internet...
  • A false positive...looks like a joke but it is NOT. BayesAss: Bayesian estimation of recent migration rates. Similar to structure, except doesn't assume Hardy-Weinberg, and so is useful in assigning recent (2-3 generations) migrants.
  • Not a joke but lots of fun! An excruciatingly gentle introduction to Bayes' Theorem for the curious and bewildered; Eliezer Yudkowsky combines his literal and statistical talents in An Intuitive Explanation of Bayesian Reasoning.

  • To anyone sympathetic with the current neo-Bernoullian neo-Bayesian Ramseyesque Finettist Savageous movement in statistics, the subject of testing goodness of fit is something of an embarrassment. F. J. Anscombe, J. R. S. S. (1963)

  • As Len Stefanski shows, linear regression can have strange residuals. More in: Residual (Sur)Realism. Stefanski, Leonard A.: The American Statistician, Volume 61, Number 2, May 2007, pp. 163-177 (15).
  • Q: What are statisticians? A: Mathematicians broken down by age and sex.
  • Q: What are Bayesian statisticians? A: Mathematicians broken down by age, sex, and level of alcohol consumption.

  • From "

    About ISBA - International Society of Business Astrologers

    The International Society of Business Astrologers (ISBA) was founded in Copenhagen on 10 March 1997 at 09:09:00 a.m. GMT+1. The founder and president of the society is Karen Boesen, - ( In English ) The mission of the society is to increase public awareness of serious financial and business astrology. Inwardly, the society wishes to be a source of inspiration to its members for their professional development and to function as a link between members of a profession with often very isolated working conditions. Outwardly, we wish to spread the knowledge of our profession by arranging conferences and congresses, through articles in the daily press, radio and television interviews, and through the ISBA Journal, in which research reports and astrology-based analyses of major international companies will be published.

    You could be a Bayesian if ...

  • Your observations are less important than your prior
  • You never understood those darn p-values
  • You are surprised to learn that Valencia is in fact a city in Spain
  • ...please send me your favorite line...
  • Your mamma is so subjective ...

  • ...please send me your favorite line...
  • My MCMC has converged because ... (Thanks to Tony O'Hagan)

  • I ran it for 10,000 iterations
  • my wife called out 'coffee's ready'
  • WinBUGS crashed
  • the plots were still going down
  • ...please send me your favorite line...

  • Please contribute if you know one!
    Last Updated: August 2, 2005.
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